Close To You

This conversation took place in a career wear section of a shopping mall:

I: "That clothing brand is designed by someone I know."

I know how the array of career women's clothes are mostly in dark, cold colors. It's either black, dark blue or grey. A few of them are white. Some are brown. Very few are pink, just for the sake of following the fashion trend.

I know how each article is not only inspired by Helmut Lang or Donna Karan, but also by Japanese kimono. He names each of his design after a Japanese porn star, since he's very fond of Japanese porns, Japanese girls, Japanese cultures, Japanese food, and everything else Japanese. I think that's also why his designs' sizes are relatively small, for I have no choice but wear size 14 of his piece.

A friend: "Oh really?"

I: "Someone I know quite intimately."

(silence)

I: "Someone I could really fall for ... efforlessly. I don't understand why those who win a heart without having to do anything will break it so casually?"

A friend: "Isn't he gay? I mean, being a fashion designer is usually ... you know!"

I: "He's so straight that it hurts each time I know he is everything but a homosexual."


Then I couldn't help but try on a black kimono-like shirt, which turned out to perfectly fit on me that my friend convinced me to take it no matter what. I was, of course, torn between wanting to have a piece of him in the form of his work and hold any unimportant expenses.

However, the urge to have him (ehm!) was stronger than the urge to be financially wise. It felt like a victory paying for his work. Not because it was quite expensive - even after getting 20% off - but it actually seemed like buying his affection, which in real life I don't ever get anywhere near it. Arriving home, I couldn't get the black shirt off my eyes. I hung it next to my bed so I could keep looking at it, like so many times before I had been bedazzled by looking at him or by simply speaking his name. Before I went to bed that night, I held it close to my chest as fantasizing it was him I had in my arms.

Yes, it was so pathetic, I know.