Separate Beds But Not Separated

There are things I've never thought of ever being in my approval, but then I ended up giving them a nod. Take long distance relationships for one. Or caucasian lovers. Or sashimi eating. Or pubic area shaving. Or ever going to India ... 3 times. And the most recent one given my seal of authorization is separate beds.

I thought I wouldn't live to see the day I would finally agree with separate bedding, which previously I found it ridiculous. What's the point of couple having 2 separate beds in one room like those of married couples in medieval period, right? Right. That's what I used to think too. But considering the fact of how low-next-to-nothing divorce rates, then I started to suspect the magic of separate bedding. Besides, often times I heard about fighting couples sleeping in separate beds with the hope of calming the nerves down and finally, sorting the problems out.

It's true, though, how people need some time alone in their togetherness. And that's what separate bedding provides. They still can be together in one room without intruding the spouse's personal space. The man, for example, still can check out a porn magazine behind a newspaper, while the wife can paint her toes without having to tell him to lie still, for every slightest move he might make will crazily maneuver the brush. You know how nowadays toe painting can lead to calling up each other's divorce lawyers.

Not only that. Nobody will have to bitch out who's to make the bed, for each person is responsible for their own. Well, when lust calls in, they can just simply pick a bed. And ah! With 2 double beds in the room, imagine how many variations you can venture in terms of bedroom games! It's also true what they say about absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Experience has it that there isn't any single comfortable moment sleeping in each other's arms. Believe me, that only happens in movies. In real life, not only you will wake up with sore muscles, but you will also wake up with a horrible mood. Why? Because the whole night you will surely be awake with each and every move your spouse makes, that you will have to adjust your sleeping position with your partner's. Just abandon the right to sleep peacefully when you're trying to live up a scene from a romantic movie. (You want to do something romantic? Take the garbage out and your woman will at all time be your doormat and sex slave!) And you also know what happens to people waking up with such a good mood from a good night's sleep. Go figure.

Hereby I suggest marriage counselors to start prescribing separate bedding for those trying to save their marriages. And hereby I predict the sale of single beds will sharply increase in the near future.

And more on a personal note, hereby I wish to regain my lost faith in marriage and decent men by renewing the hope of ever finding someone I can share separate beds with. Someday...