The Wonder of Reverse Psychology

I never thought that day would come when I would have to delete J from my life along with all of our pictures taken in the places where now are just - as The Beatles calls it: "There are places I remember all my life though some have changed..."

That day came yesterday when I finally decided to put reverse psychology into practice. It's been almost 5 months and I still hadn't had enough courage to delete our last holiday pictures which started filling up my notebook's memory. Simply cause to delete them, I need to look at them. And if I looked at them, I would miss him. And if I missed him, I would be capable of doing stupid things, like out of the blue texting him again after telling him "adieu". And if I did stupid things, of course, I would only end up damaging myself again.

And yes, among very few things left for me to believe, I do still believe in the wonder of reverse psychology: doing the exact opposite of what I've been really avoiding and through the magic of human nature, I ended up getting the effect I've been desperately waiting for: feeling numb.

Neither did I ever think that day would come when I would look at our pictures together and I felt nothing. Not sadness. Not loss. Not missing those beautiful brown eyes looking straight at mine. It's like whatever we had is so far away from where I am now. And it is.