The Day I Wanted To Dye My Hair Red

The second my eyes laid on Clementine in Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, I instantly told the friend I was with that I wanted to dye my hair exactly the same red color as hers. Such impulsive am I ... I know!

But I really fell in love at first sight with her hair so red! That striking red head that's even redder than the menstrual blood stuck in my pads every month, the lips of Shakespeare's mistress in My Mistress' Eyes Are Nothing Like The Sun sonnet, or the traffic light which lousy bikers and car drivers tend to break when there is no police around. With that kind of hair color, I would undoubtedly be a standout in the crowd, for I can be spotted from a far, long before my being is in the actual place. And people would look at me in disgust like I'm some kind of alien. A freak. A youth gone wild. A female version of Ronny McDonald figure at McDonald's outlets. A clown at children's birthday parties. A cheap whore hustling in the street willing to do a blowjob for Rp 50,000. Maybe. (I always feel I have this little whore inside me yearning to come out, by the way!)

Are we still that very much judged by appearance? If someone has red hair, for example, is it acceptable to judge that she leads such a chaotic life? Figuratively and literally speaking, that can be. But you can't see someone's hair color and jump into crystal-ball-prophecy conclucion!

I remember going to a client for an article interview with this normal hair, though I dyed it a little brownish. (I call it normal, for it still looks like what people in general have in mind of what hair is supposed to like) Dressed in neat outfit highlighted with daylight make-up I was, that person I just met for the first time looked besieged when I stepped into his office, that he had to make sure if I came representing my company as scheduled. When I handed him my name card, he was convinced, but then asked in confusion: "So you're really a writer? I'm sorry but you don't look like one! Can you really write? What is your education background? What is your name initial in the newspaper?"

OK. So what a writer should look like? I wanted to ask him that question but my lips were sealed. And I've faced those same questions many times for the last 5 years whenever I had to handle new clients. Maybe what they have in mind of a female writer is someone dressed shabbily with boyish style of outfit without make up or combed hair - like Charlize Theron playing a lesbian in Monster? And I don't know why it's mostly guys asking me those stupid questions! I bet they've never seen Miss Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City!

So with or without normal hair, I think I would still be asked if I could really write by some clients I bump into. Then why bother to have normal hair? It's better to change hair color every 3 months (or less) like Clementine does. Right. (But still I want to start with that cute, red one!) I don't care if it doesn't match my skin color, my face, my clothes, my job, or my whatever. I don't even care if with that hair color people would think all I can do is show some pink!

Next time I'm being asked if I can write, I would tell him: "No baby, I can't write! But I can suck your cock dry real good that you would come back to me for more!"