Mother-Daughter Reunite

When driving mother to work this morning, out of the blue she told me about her 3 young, single, female colleagues having problems with their boyfriends.

The one who is having a German boyfriend just recently went to Germany to take care of documents required to get married there. But when she was there, she found out that her boyfriend has had another girlfriend. Ouch! And that has been going on before he even met her. (My reaction? I smirked, I mocked, I sneered, all at once!) And that's not it. He still asked her to move in to Germany with him, learn German, and get a job there. (My reaction? I cursed dirty words that mother had to watch-your-language me.)

Then she went on with the second story. This time about a girl having a Singaporean boyfriend who actually has been with a domestic partner for like... 10 whole years. And there were weekends he told her having to go to Singapore for a business trip! (Yea, right, business trip on weekends are just so convincing and a very clever excuse!) Actually she (mother's colleague) and he are in the middle of preparing a wedding. When knowing about the 10 - year - so - called life partner, she wanted to move forward the date. She wanted to tie him down in marriage more quickly than the agreed date. (My reaction? I called her stupid! This time mother didn't ssssh me because she had heard me using the vocabulary (including the thesaurus of the word) pretty often.)

The last story was about a fat girl who never thinks she's attractive enough to get a man. So when she finally got herself a boyfriend, she did whatever it took to make him stay. But again, it turned out he has another girlfriend. Maybe it happened because she's being way too jealous and protective that he couldn't stand it. She knew about the other girlfriend because recently she broke into his email account. And lately she couldn't concentrate on her work because all she did was sat in front of her computer and cried from reading her boyfriend's emails in his inbox. (My reaction? Nothing. I just lost for words this time.)

I've never been really close to mother before because I don't tell her things. I tried, though, but she always took it differently. Besides I don't think she can cope with my immoral and flamboyant life line.

After she told me all those stories, all I wanted to do was run to her comforting arms, cry, and tell her my own story. Maybe I have to start breaking all my defenses, being vulnerable, and taking off my tough-girl mask in front of her for once. For a change. I never cried in her arms in my entire adult life. Not when boyfriends ditched me, hurt me, abused me, or when relationships simply couldn't work because of any given situations.

And by the way, I still don't have the heart to tell my parents that I had called it quits with the first man in 6 years I've ever brought home and introduced to them. I don't want them to voluntarily feel sad over my once-again-sad ending. It's enough I alone succumb to it. But I guess I'll break the news to them tonight. Maybe they'll just be happy, anyway, because they don't have to think of the possibility of my leaving them to join him in his cold country full of cold people! And I don't have to learn his tongue-curling-throat-straining language! I hate that language!!!

And why mother told me her colleagues' stories, maybe she sensed my rather quiet behaviour and always arriving home late for the past two weeks. No matter what, I stayed in her womb for 9 months, so there is always this connection between her and me. Mother's instincts are indeed truer than any prophecies.

I feel like calling her at work now. I still feel like wanting to surrender to her warm arms. I lost a lover's arms but I guess I'm never gonna lose a mother's.