Bargaining With God
When I woke up this morning, I found a text from a dear friend saying: "... When did life start to agree with me?" It was 05.30 AM and the rain was falling in rage outside.
Yes, when did life start to agree with me?! Surely not when the rain was falling and spreading its magical chant: "come back to bed! come back to bed!", while I should have left my warm bed in another half an hour. Like many other things, rain doesn't need an RSVP invitation to break its water on to any given place on Earth.
Taking a deep breath, I then did a mental conversation with God - if ever He really exists:
"Great. Just great! When did I ever ask You too much? I've never wanted to be happy or content. I thought you had known it by now. Like I've never expected to be granted a stunningly beautiful face along with majestic grace like Angelina Jolie or Monica Belucci, have I? Neither have I expected my love affairs to last for long nor having enough money to afford a 2 week holiday to South America. No. Even if the thoughts ever crossed my twisted mind, I have only dared to keep them for myself.
Looking back, I was even willing to take my first humiliation at the age of 4 when I was the only person certified 'a hopeless case' by my ballet instructor that she didn't pick me to be on a show. I didn't shed a single tear when all my ballet classmates tried on their pink ballet shoes just because they all could stand on their tiptoes. Growing up, I even took it easy when the first person ever giving me electric jolts consulted me for buying a special gift for his girlfriend's birthday.
And don't you remember how I just shuddered in ignorance when someone sweetnothing me by saying my body was his wonderland and how he was willing to quench my physical thirst, only he's located in far off another continent with 13 hours difference from where I live? A webcam? No, thank you. I prefer the real thing. Then recently, just when I finally bumped into someone who appreciates A Clockwork Orange as much as I do, knows things about Morpheus, and - dear Lord! - how articulate he is in written language, I just numbly picked up the remaining splinters of my heart off the floor once again when he declared out loud 'I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only'.
And now, are You fucking kidding me by letting the rain fall just when I should get up and get ready for another boring day at underpaid work?! Just when I've never questioned your mercy before!"
posted by Indiaphile @ 5:20 PM
4 Comments:
You're a very interesting writer. I like how you articulate your thoughts.
'I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only'.
as always God has a sense of humor or ?. at least i'm not alone in feeling like i'm finally getting something(someone) good in my life and it being snatched away !!
great writing. hope you didn't give in to the rain's chant :)
God has a sense of humor. Yes, everybody tells me so over and over again that it sounds like a sacred chant. I just wish He could've chosen any other playgrounds or audience for his comedy shows than humans' lives.
Thanks, Lorena. Your lovely words and the faint hope for the rain to fall at night when I'm about to hit the hay - instead of in the morning when I should get up to start another day, would surely keep me from running myself into an express train. :-)
remember that guy whose tongue i sorely miss "down there"?
he simply vanished. 10 days with no call and no text. nothing.
i don't even have the energy to fuss all over again. and so yes, i simply picked up the remaining pieces of the floor, when upon a closer look, proved to be a very precious organ of mine. my heart.
furthermore, i felt like i've taken the careless and snobbish steps by previously saying that life did agree with me, for now i find another heated argument between myself and the so-called-life. alas...
You know what, Marianne darling, whosesoever tongue or any other anatomy parts inserted into your body, when it's withdrawn, abandon even the hope of being decently told: "Thank you, I had a nice time!"
Now I understand why some straight girls turn to lesbians. I myself am on the verge of making up my mind to be one. And oh, I don't mind sharing Muti with you!;)
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